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You have a bridge to sell? What do you know, Dad was just looking for one

Lady Penelope

This morning Parker emailed me, “There are times to be gracious in victory. That said, I hope you spend most of today sending e-mails to your dad.” My father’s the kind of guy with lots of wisdom to give, if wisdom smells like horseshit. He likes to let everyone argue their points out about politics, watch their voices rally and raise and then, when somebody’s near tears, lift his finger and say, in a quieter voice, “Listen.” He is a man convinced of his own underdog genius.

When I was younger, I bought into it. I even enjoyed rallying with him, taking the opposite side (whether or not I believed in it), to engage in a spirited but convivial discussion of politics of the day. Communism, is it bad? Do the homeless really want to be homeless? But after a time, the myth he’d made for himself could no longer sustain disbelief.

After all, it is with this quiet, patient, determined, old-man-on-the-mountain manner he has delivered the following pearls (warning, some of this is racist and rottenly offensive):

  • The Japanese are trying to destroy America by moving their families over, ruining their homes, and destroying our property values. When our property values go, our economy goes with it. And because they’re taking all our jobs, we won’t be able to buy new houses. That’s their plan.
  • Global warming isn’t happening, it’s just …

    MORE...

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Recent Writing:

THE MCLAUGHLIN GROUP DOES THE AMERICAS, and a Few Other Continents Inbetween: Reality TV Proposals

Lady Penelope

Summer’s here, and so is filler TV, from Big Brother to Wife Swap. I won’t watch, not much anyway, but occasionally I will be just hungover enough.  What is it that’s so engrossing about a mother who is totally, totally shocked any woman would let her kids …

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Can we blame Bill?

Lady Penelope

Here we are counting down the last 2 1/2 years of this presidency, 29% of us high enough to still be satisfied with things. But for the rest of us, I ask the following:

How much of this is Clinton’s fault?

Recently, …

MORE...

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Get that Joe Biden out of my rectum?

Yup. Although most religious texts can also apply.

the Holly Bibble fer instance?



Links

Saturday, May 21, 2011


Ben Stein tops Ben Stein in race for "World's Biggest Asshole"
Crime Katie-Couric Politics • 4 Comments

Monday, May 16, 2011


Trump won't run for President, but hair-piece can run for miles
Beasties Business Fluff Politics Update • 0 Comments

Saturday, May 14, 2011


Osama Bin Laden: Tea Party supporter
Politics • 1 Comments

McCain frantically tries to make amends for the Palin fiasco
Politics War • 0 Comments

A Major Birther Believes in bin Laden's Death +
Conspiranoia Obama-rama! Politics • 0 Comments

Thursday, May 12, 2011


Score one for the kid!
Creepy Politics Reaping-Grimly Whoops! • 0 Comments

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Newt throws hat into 2012 ring... promises immediate and permanent government shutdown
Newsflash! Politics • 1 Comments

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Florida first state to prohibit doctors from asking patients about guns
Katie-Couric Politics • 3 Comments

Saturday, May 07, 2011


Republicans assume that the Internet is their secret resource
Interwebs Politics Whoops! • 0 Comments

Thursday, May 05, 2011


If you enjoyed the diplomatic faux-pas of the Bush years, then a Trump presidency is for you!
Politics • 0 Comments

Monday, May 02, 2011


Superman is a communist muslim atheist gay guy
Fluff Politics • 0 Comments

Sunday, May 01, 2011


If Trump was trying to raise his ratings, it's super-not-working
Politics • 0 Comments

Saturday, April 30, 2011


Guess which companies aren't paying their share? I'm looking at you, Julie McCoy!
Business Money Politics • 2 Comments

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Is America finally catching on to the Republican swindle?
Politics • 4 Comments

Law firm working with right wing on "Defense of Marriage" act backs down under pressure
Politics • 1 Comments

What doesn't lead a Frenchman to riot?
Booze/Pills/Candy Politics World • 1 Comments

Sunday, April 17, 2011


What does Donald see when he looks in the mirror in his head?
Art Katie-Couric Politics TV • 4 Comments

Your (not) a poet and you don't know it
Poetry Politics Whoops! • 1 Comments

Hands off our porn!
Today's-Super-Fun-Activity Politics • 1 Comments

Thursday, April 14, 2011


The Secret Federal Budget: $220 million to two well-connected Wall Street wives
Business Money Politics • 0 Comments

Romney hopes to inspire us with minty fresh breath.
Art Politics • 0 Comments

9 things the rich don't want you to know about taxes
Money Politics • 2 Comments

Obama's lack of opposition gives him an edge (let's hope, or else it's President Santorum)
Obama-rama! Politics • 0 Comments

Monday, April 11, 2011


The Tea Party goes into cinema
Cinema Politics • 2 Comments

Saturday, April 09, 2011


Idiots gone wild: "We're suing you for not allowing us to do that thing we never asked if we could"
Foolhardy Life Politics Sad • 2 Comments

Friday, April 08, 2011


Hello, government shutdown! Just in case, here's the FAQ.
Politics • 0 Comments

Something stinks in Wisconsin, and it ain't just bad cheese.
Conspiranoia Fat-as-Fuck! Politics • 1 Comments

Q: Are we not byorked? A: No, but we should have asked for rubbers or anal
The-"D"-Word Today's-Super-Fun-Activity Politics Wretched • 7 Comments

Wednesday, April 06, 2011


What do you do when the vote is against you? Demand a recount!
Politics • 1 Comments

Gadhafi to Obama: Quit it or I'll tell my Mom
Beasties Geeky Nerd History Politics • 0 Comments

Pigs may not fly, but they sure do lie
Beasties Crime Politics Reaping-Grimly Sad Wretched • 0 Comments

Hypocrisy in government? Say it ain't so!
Skool Crime Life Politics Shocker! Whoops! • 0 Comments

Friday, April 01, 2011


Montana Rep. Alan Hale, R(ye) defends drunk driving as "a way of life".
Politics • 8 Comments

Thursday, March 31, 2011


Maybe it's the hats +
Politics • 2 Comments

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Are Republicans more knowledgeable about science?
Politics Science • 0 Comments

Monday, March 28, 2011


Utah becomes first state to designate a state gun
Politics • 0 Comments

Sunday, March 27, 2011


The language of the unheard: London
Crime Life Money Newsflash! Politics Wretched • 0 Comments

Friday, March 25, 2011


Liberty is being defeated. The (DHS) terrorists are winning.
Conspiranoia Politics Wretched • 0 Comments

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


A look into the Old Firm and it's surrounding culture
Beasties Crime Politics Sport • 0 Comments

Monday, March 21, 2011


Utah: We make the things that kill people, and we're proud of it!
Creepy History Politics Reaping-Grimly Sad • 1 Comments

Thursday, March 17, 2011


The truth about America and religion
Politics • 0 Comments

What happens when the President or the First Lady go out to dinner
Business Eat-Me! Politics • 0 Comments

Sarah Palin's support paling
The-"D"-Word Beasties Politics • 4 Comments

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


Beck's crying game continues (the political commentator, not the guy who sang "Loser" -- +)
Beasties Politics Sad • 4 Comments

Monday, March 14, 2011


Your tax dollars at… is this play… I mean it can't be work as these things don't. +
Buy-Me! Politics • 3 Comments

Sunday, March 13, 2011


Why a mandatory retirement age is sometimes a good idea
Katie-Couric Politics • 1 Comments

Wednesday, March 09, 2011


Illinois, I love you (and Pat Quinn) to death! Heroic, humane, and in hope
Fat-as-Fuck! History Life Politics • 0 Comments

Sunday, March 06, 2011


20 lies with Governor Walker
Chunky-Flow Politics Wretched • 0 Comments

Shocking news: guys in Navy may be gay!
Katie-Couric Life Politics Sad Sex Shocker! • 1 Comments

Friday, March 04, 2011


Huckabee 4 President #1: Cares about how Nat's fun palace will be ripped apart!
Chunky-Flow Cinema Politics Wuv • 2 Comments

Thursday, March 03, 2011


Westboro wins
Politics Religion • 4 Comments

Wednesday, March 02, 2011


Foreign Policy attacks Seymour Hersh: my guess is that history will side with Hersh*
Politics • 1 Comments

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Watch out, Obama: Newt can raise money. Lots and lots of money.
Politics • 0 Comments

Friday, February 11, 2011


GOP's gone wild! Part 3 - Rumsfeld
Politics Wretched War • 0 Comments

GOP's gone wild! Part 2 - Bachmann
Politics Sad • 1 Comments

GOP's gone wild! Part 1 - Brewer
Chunky-Flow Politics • 3 Comments

Wednesday, February 09, 2011


Keith Olbermann joins Current TV… err, who now?
Business Politics TV • 1 Comments

Tuesday, February 08, 2011


Democratic defection in the South
Politics • 3 Comments

Sarah Palin having trouble trademarking her name: damn liberal media
Katie-Couric Politics • 2 Comments

Sunday, February 06, 2011


Nazi resurgence: part two
Politics Wretched • 4 Comments

Nazi resurgence: part one
Politics Wretched • 2 Comments

Thursday, February 03, 2011


Why the government should harness design
Art Life Politics • 0 Comments

Tuesday, February 01, 2011


One gun per person per month? Are you crazy?!?
Life Politics Reaping-Grimly • 0 Comments

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