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Toe nail clipper

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A. found a collection of items on the driveway this morning: one caster wheel, a roll of paper towels, some electric cable zip ties, a toe nail clipper, some screwdriver bits, a lock tumbler, a valve housing and a few fittings, a spark plug, a few drywall screws, a dental hook thingy, and other seemingly random items. Since we’d risk puncturing our tires if we were to drive over the screws, I bagged up all the flotsam and jetsam and tossed them into the trashcan outside. About a half-an-hour later, a guy rang the doorbell and asked me where all the stuff from the driveway had disappeared to. Another shorter more agitated dude then walked up and asked if I’d seen a toolbox and a wheeled cart. Apparently the shorter guy had gotten into a Valentine’s Day quarrel with his lady friend last night, and this led to a select portion of his possessions being strewn about on our driveway.

They were insistent on getting back the stuff I’d thrown out, and I assured them that it wasn’t a problem and that I’d come out to get it for them. They started to repeat that they really needed the stuff, and I interrupted rather grouchily, “DUDE! I’m coming out!” I bent down to slip on my shoes, and when I stood up they’d disappeared around the corner and they had started helping themselves to the …

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Five Questions: the Waterhouse edition

Waterhouse

Following is Murdered Duchess’s interview with Waterhouse in the latest edition of the blog meme, “Five Questions.”

1. Please compose an eloquent, succinct and succulent essay of stylistically compelling and grammatically immaculate prose* regarding three (3) of the following topics:

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Going Greyhound

Lady Penelope

Friday, Port Authority Bus Station: I got a ticket to ride, oh I got a ticket to ride all right. The lovely Greyhound 2437, Express: three hours to my destination.  I’m visiting a friend in another city, and roundtrip it’s $150 cheaper than the train. I’m racing …

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You won't be needing this in your future

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That Thing we have to do, I’ve been really dreading it. I know everybody eventually has to do it; I’m hardly the first to arrive at the moment, knees quaking and fists reddened, but for some reason, I have this strange sensation that I’m not going to …

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How hippies hurt humanity

Rev. Dimmer

Post-war years are always kind of odd. You really don’t know what to do with yourself. You don’t have troops to support, you don’t have an Axis of Evil to hate, and after WWII, you could even stop pretending that you liked your Jewish neighbors, if indeed …

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