Log In Register About Fat Jerry Submit Search Members
Fat Jerry
Spazmo's Business Report: don't invest in anything ever

Spazmo

From time to time people say to me, “Spazmo, what do you know about making investments?” They might mention online trading, five-baggers and “sure things.” I assume that they’ve made an unconscious drift into sexual innuendos, so I stop them from speaking with a quick dog bark followed by my honest answer—don’t invest your money in stocks and please forget that vocabulary you were just using. Responses vary: “Do you expect me to retire to a diet of Ramen noodles,” or “But my children hate me and I’ll need to take care of myself,” and almost always “Did you just bark at me?”

But let me clarify a couple of things:

1. I did bark at you

2. Putting money in an IRA, mutual fund, or money market is a great way to save for your retirement. However, thinking you can play the market yourself is a sign of a big head and some serious wrong-thinking. I mean come on, look at you. Sitting there in your underwear, absent-mindedly fingering a mole on God knows what part of your body… you think you can beat professional investors that handle IRAs? Guys who, on a daily basis, ingest cocaine in chemical permutations that won’t hit the sreet for six years, guys who have a psychotic lack of distraction from a reptillian goal that can be only articulated as the word “more”? You’re …

MORE...

15 Comments


Other Fun Stuff

Confused? Check out the following:

What is Fat Jerry

I have questions about Fat Jerry (FAQ)

Can you explain these Categories?



Recent Writing:

Civilization Zero

rev. dimmer

“Standardized communications always herald the end of a civilization."

So in case you missed it, we lost the place in 1984. How so? A little something then called Presenter--but you probably know it better by the name it took on in 1987: PowerPoint. How come? …

MORE...

0 Comments

Six Flags Great Adventure: A Study in Chewing Gum

Lady Penelope

Yesterday I joined friends for a trip to Great Adventure. Their website advertised twelve roller coasters, one the tallest in the world, rides rides rides! Fun fun fun! America! America! America!

We met outside the Food Network Studios for a corporate bus. I asked my …

MORE...

11 Comments

Beer me, Lumbergh. Beer me.

Lady Penelope

The company I work for, they are crafty. Last week they held a “Service Day,” in which we engage three of our seven Corporate Ideals (I forget which ones) by helping out around town, at nursing homes, day cares, parks, shelters ... basically, the nice men at …

MORE...

14 Comments


Recent Comments

Whoopsie! Looks like the link to the NY Accents piece got duped into this…

Thanks, Dimmer! Haven’t downloaded it, but when I do, I’ll take your advice. Very…

For those Mac users who’ve downloaded iTunes 10 and find the vertical orientation of…

I’m off to Cape October in May myself. Well, I might.

So, you like a good fisting then gloveshot? It’s not my cup of tea,…

I can not believe it.

A horrible paraphrasing to be sure, but I was half-cut when I read it,…

To paraphrase someone somewhere: It’s not that the tea-totallers live longer, it just seems…

No one is allowed to do, “Hey, pull my finger.” Let’s hope they make…

I have worked in tight spaces when I was employed in the construction industry.…

I foresee a return to swinging the fisted right arm in a forward arc,…

I might have peed a little. Now that could be sexy.

Yes. Not a great one, but there are a few really good ones. Honestly…

Can you get a muffaletta in Houston?

the person I married once said: Lying butt to butt reading Vonnegut.

…

I know! I have the same traffic situation on my commute, and I only…

Horribly unsexy sez You! This made me laugh so hard I might have peed…

Goatboy, I love you for that. I hate those damn line jumpers.

…

As august nears an end, what does everybody have planned for the autumn? In…

Probably … but I have so much invested in the head-shrinking-equipment, I’m reluctant to…



Links

Monday, August 30, 2010


When will Blockbuster die already?
Business • 1 Comments

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Inside the secret world of Trader Joe's
Business • 0 Comments

Egg recall highlights problems with factory farming
Business Eat-Me! • 1 Comments

Friday, August 20, 2010


Spoiled children ... or parents?
Business • 2 Comments

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Puget Sound Energy sends out bills that smell like rotten eggs--on purpose
Business Whoops! • 0 Comments

Friday, August 13, 2010


Toyota's real problem is that a lot of people don't know how to operate a car
Business • 0 Comments

Netflix makes a big deal
Business Cinema • 2 Comments

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Rumors of a Verizon iPhone get louder
Business Geeky Nerd • 0 Comments

Monday, August 02, 2010


Top Secret America: is your company on the list?
Business • 2 Comments

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Lawyers move away from billable hours
Business • 0 Comments

Friday, July 23, 2010


Why develop when you can steal?
Business Crime Work • 0 Comments

Thursday, July 22, 2010


Hamas gets A- rating from Better Business Bureau
Business • 0 Comments

Thursday, July 15, 2010


Sarah Palin's Facebook page is bought and paid for.
Business Fat-as-Fuck! Interwebs Politics • 0 Comments

Tuesday, July 06, 2010


Best Buy has no sense of humor.
Business Foolhardy Funny-Ha-Ha Geeky Nerd Video • 0 Comments

"No Lawyer Left Behind"
Business • 2 Comments

Friday, June 25, 2010


So much for the principles of Celebration, Fla: Disney starts peddling mcmansions
Business • 1 Comments

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Naked Cowboy does not tolerate copycats, not even copykittens
Business • 0 Comments

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Rent a White Guy
Business Fluff Money Travel Work • 0 Comments

Thursday, June 10, 2010


He who controls the PowerPoint controls everything. EVERYTHING!
Business • 5 Comments

Thursday, May 27, 2010


Steve calls Bill to rub his nose in it...
Business Geeky Nerd • 0 Comments

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Has American Apparel lost its cool?
Business • 2 Comments

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Will central Illinois host the world's best restaurant?
Business Eat-Me! • 0 Comments

Sunday, May 16, 2010


So how much will this make my cable bill go up?
Business Conspiranoia TV • 0 Comments

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Why Amish businesses don't fail
Business Religion • 0 Comments

Friday, May 07, 2010


Oh, to work with cat fur: perhaps I should move to Yonkers
Business • 0 Comments

Wednesday, May 05, 2010


B.P. promises to pay for cleanup in entirety
Business • 4 Comments

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Newspapers go 3D! Well, the Sun does. Because it has to sell papers somehow.
Business • 0 Comments

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Wal-mart loses bigtime
Business • 1 Comments

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


The trouble with Florida real estate
Business Life • 0 Comments

Friday, April 16, 2010


What does Toyota sell these days, anyway?
Business • 1 Comments

Saturday, April 03, 2010


SCOlded: Unix is not yours pal o' mine
Business Geeky Nerd • 5 Comments

The 'Oil Crisis' is a sham.
Business Conspiranoia • 0 Comments

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


So you want to be a pirate?
Business Work • 0 Comments

The great West Coast newspaper war
Business • 0 Comments

Monday, March 22, 2010


God help us if there's ever a corn blight
Business Work • 3 Comments

Friday, March 19, 2010


Amazon and Apple prepare for war
Books Business • 0 Comments

Thursday, March 18, 2010


B"jeezuz!
Business Chunky-Flow Foolhardy Green • 0 Comments

Sunday, March 14, 2010


Google HighSpeed Network bids get serious (& seriously funny).
Business Geeky Nerd Politics • 2 Comments

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Chiropractic practices called out as bullshit (in the UK at least)
Business Health • 4 Comments

The best message to businesses I've read in a long time. (Read it to the end.)
Business • 0 Comments

Monday, March 08, 2010


The burger force, mapped
Business Pictures • 0 Comments

Who will save the small farm? Whole Foods ... or Wal-Mart?
Business Eat-Me! • 4 Comments

Friday, March 05, 2010


What is Williamsburg? What is Starbucks? Ah, the pleasures of gentrification
Business • 0 Comments

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Duane Reade, your days are numbered
Business • 4 Comments

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Um, whoops ...
Business • 2 Comments

Thursday, February 11, 2010


The history of tipping
Business Money Work • 0 Comments

Monday, February 08, 2010


How's your Toyota running?
Business • 1 Comments

Wednesday, February 03, 2010


If you argue against Goldman Sachs, are you anti-semitic?
Business • 0 Comments

Tuesday, February 02, 2010


Is the iPad the end of an open internet? +
Business Conspiranoia Interwebs • 1 Comments

"Green" coal company names itself after the Lorax (without permission)
Books Business Green Whoops! • 0 Comments

Friday, January 29, 2010


CBS won't air innocent man-kiss ad during Superbowl
Business Sex Sport • 10 Comments

Economy finally jolts forward, growing faster than it has in six years
Business Money • 0 Comments

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Got bill collectors? Sue
Business Money • 0 Comments

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Uncomfortable with its market leadership, Toyota commits seppuku
Business • 0 Comments

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


NY Times to start charging for website access in 2011 -- for frequent readers only
Business Interwebs • 2 Comments

How to survive a nuclear attack, courtesy of Mutual of Omaha
Business History Life Pictures • 0 Comments

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Got Jugs? Get Booze!
Booze/Pills/Candy Business Fluff • 1 Comments

Friday, January 15, 2010


Obama vows to tax the banks for the bailout
Business Obama-rama! Politics • 0 Comments

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


So they say the recession is over. Why did that happen again?
Business Money • 1 Comments

Monday, January 11, 2010


Apple V. Google
Business Geeky Nerd • 13 Comments

Friday, January 08, 2010


Netflix agrees to 28-day wait, gets better $ deal and more streaming movies in trade
Business Cinema • 0 Comments

Tuesday, January 05, 2010


Bernanke calls for more regulation before speculation lands us back in the sh!tter
Business Money • 2 Comments

Monday, December 28, 2009


Dairy farmers can't sell milk for what it costs to produce
Business • 1 Comments

Page 1 of 19 pages  1 2 3 >  Last »

Today's Fat Jerry

How Fat Jerry is this? Rate It.

Got a photo of Fat Jerry? Maybe we'd like to see it.


Today's Poll

What does Fat Jerry have that nobody else wants?
Velvet elvis
Velvet elves
Moobs
An EDTV
"The Idiots Guide to Relationships"
A naked Tom Hanks
Indiana
Swine flu
"Jermaine Jackson" (by Jermaine Jackson)
Jermaine Jackson
Gas
One of those ugly choo-choo train conductor hats that girls sometimes wear
A brighter tomorrow
Another goddamn excuse

Do you have an idea for a Fat Jerry Poll? Let us know! 


Chill out!

Feeling warm?
Step inside The Cooler


Statistics

Page Views: 1738716
Page rendered in 2.1550 seconds
67 queries executed
Debug mode is on
Total Entries: 17960
Total Comments: 62768
Total Trackbacks: 186575
Most Recent Entry: 09/03/2010 04:33 am
Most Recent Comment on: 09/03/2010 07:49 am
Total Members: 465
Total Logged in members: 1
Total guests: 11
Total anonymous users: 0
Most Recent Visitor on: 09/03/2010 08:56 am
Most visitors ever: 245 on 08/22/2009 08:33 pm

Current Logged-in Members:  rev. dimmer


People We Love


Categories


  • The-"D"-Word
  • Today's-Super-Fun-Activity
  • Advice
  • ANTM
  • Art
  • Beasties
  • Books
  • Booze/Pills/Candy
  • Business
  • Buy-Me!
  • Cats
  • Chunky-Flow
  • Cinema
  • Conspiranoia
  • Creepy
  • Crime
  • Eat-Me!
  • Fat-as-Fuck!
  • Fat-Jerry
  • Fluff
  • Foolhardy
  • Funny-Ha-Ha
  • Geeky Nerd
  • Gossip
  • Green
  • Health
  • History
  • Interactive
  • Interwebs
  • Jerry-Up
  • Katie-Couric
  • Life
  • Lists
  • Money
  • Music
  • Obama-rama!
  • Newsflash!
  • Pinch-Me!
  • Pish-Takes
  • Play-Me!
  • Pictures
  • Poetry
  • Politics
  • Quiz
  • Rags
  • Reaping-Grimly
  • Religion
  • Review
  • Robot
  • ROTM
  • Sad
  • Science
  • Sex
  • Sir-Edward
  • Shocker!
  • Sport
  • Travel
  • TV
  • Update
  • Video
  • Wretched
  • War
  • Whoops!
  • Work
  • World
  • Wuv

Rate Me on Eatonweb Portal - Blog Directory
bad enh so so good excellent

Top Entertainment Blogs

Bloggeries Blog Directory

Blogarama - The Blogs Directory

Listed on BlogShares

RSS Links

RSS Your Daily Bread

Hosted by pmachine

Copyright Fat Jerry 2008