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You have a bridge to sell? What do you know, Dad was just looking for one

Lady Penelope

This morning Parker emailed me, “There are times to be gracious in victory. That said, I hope you spend most of today sending e-mails to your dad.” My father’s the kind of guy with lots of wisdom to give, if wisdom smells like horseshit. He likes to let everyone argue their points out about politics, watch their voices rally and raise and then, when somebody’s near tears, lift his finger and say, in a quieter voice, “Listen.” He is a man convinced of his own underdog genius.

When I was younger, I bought into it. I even enjoyed rallying with him, taking the opposite side (whether or not I believed in it), to engage in a spirited but convivial discussion of politics of the day. Communism, is it bad? Do the homeless really want to be homeless? But after a time, the myth he’d made for himself could no longer sustain disbelief.

After all, it is with this quiet, patient, determined, old-man-on-the-mountain manner he has delivered the following pearls (warning, some of this is racist and rottenly offensive):

  • The Japanese are trying to destroy America by moving their families over, ruining their homes, and destroying our property values. When our property values go, our economy goes with it. And because they’re taking all our jobs, we won’t be able to buy new houses. That’s their plan.
  • Global warming isn’t happening, it’s just …

    MORE...

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Recent Writing:

THE MCLAUGHLIN GROUP DOES THE AMERICAS, and a Few Other Continents Inbetween: Reality TV Proposals

Lady Penelope

Summer’s here, and so is filler TV, from Big Brother to Wife Swap. I won’t watch, not much anyway, but occasionally I will be just hungover enough.  What is it that’s so engrossing about a mother who is totally, totally shocked any woman would let her kids …

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Can we blame Bill?

Lady Penelope

Here we are counting down the last 2 1/2 years of this presidency, 29% of us high enough to still be satisfied with things. But for the rest of us, I ask the following:

How much of this is Clinton’s fault?

Recently, …

MORE...

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Get that Joe Biden out of my rectum?

Yup. Although most religious texts can also apply.

the Holly Bibble fer instance?



Links

Thursday, June 01, 2006


Denizens of Brookline take a break from perusing the Crate and Barrel to contemplate impeachment
Politics • 1 Comments

Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Homeland Security not planning on flying into NY again any time soon... NYT RegReq
Politics • 0 Comments

"Who should we run against that bitch Hitllary?"
Politics • 28 Comments

Saving the world with music. 'slong as it's not Coldplay, it's all good.
Music Politics • 0 Comments

US expresses willingness to enter talks with Iran. Iran is all, Ok, but I get the comfy chair
Politics • 6 Comments

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Mild-mannered snow finally resigns
Politics • 3 Comments

Monday, May 29, 2006


Armageddon for the religious right?
Politics Religion • 9 Comments

Bush the third, still a possibility
Politics • 4 Comments

Thursday, May 25, 2006


Tom "laughs-five-minutes-after-the-punchline" DeLay misunderstands Colbert, wildly
Politics • 0 Comments

James Gandolfini tells Dubya to stop acting like a goomah & reinstate the draft. Che ti prende?
Life Politics TV • 7 Comments

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


See I got this email. From a Nigerian telecom company. It looked totally legitimate to me.
Business Crime Politics • 0 Comments

Can we still masturbate?
Politics • 3 Comments

"Oh do what you want, you're not going to heaven anyway."
Politics Religion • 0 Comments

Monday, May 22, 2006


James Tobin: about to get his ballot stuffed (that is in poor taste, my apologies)
Newsflash! Politics • 1 Comments

Sunday, May 21, 2006


Wait, you want me to shag someone to get -in- to the UK?
Advice Business Buy-Me! Creepy Crime Eat-Me! Foolhardy Life Politics Sex Wuv • 5 Comments

Chicks with Dix
Music Politics Sex • 1 Comments

Is this ironic in the Alanis Morrisette sense of the word, or just plain ironic, or neither? Discuss
Business Life Politics • 1 Comments

Saturday, May 20, 2006


You, face like a bag of chisels, BJ for The Man, up and front, now.
Politics • 2 Comments

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


911 Loose Change 2nd Edition
Politics Video • 4 Comments

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


We gotta protect the borders (of the quail ranch)!
Politics • 6 Comments

The Daily Show Effect
Politics TV • 3 Comments

Al Gore says, "Hit me baby one more time!"
Politics • 1 Comments

Ass may or not be the new black, but Bush is the new Carter
Politics • 5 Comments

Big Fish
Politics • 2 Comments

Saturday, May 13, 2006


Bill Licks Bush!
Fluff Politics Sex Wuv • 5 Comments

Friday, May 12, 2006


As if being named Dusty Foggo wasn't bad enough
Politics • 2 Comments

Is your phone company selling your data?
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Would the real Fat Jerry please stand up, please stand up...
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Thursday, May 11, 2006


My Congress wants to limit My Kid's access to My Space at My School
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Wednesday, May 10, 2006


It's just not any of the "good" minorities
Politics • 4 Comments

Why Does Molly Ivins Hate American Hookers?
Politics • 0 Comments

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


US and allies agree to Palestinian aid
Politics • 3 Comments

Senate realizes your life may be worth more than $250,000
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Monday, May 08, 2006


Caspar the chief spook
Politics • 2 Comments

Sunday, May 07, 2006


Must see TV from Hillary (video)
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Friday, May 05, 2006


Crash with a capital K
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Wait, this whole agency is just a scapegoat for monkeyboy! I'm outty 5000...
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China: our next enemy, as soon as the civil war is over
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Monday, May 01, 2006


Orrin Hatch vs. guy who's read his David Brinn
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This man, and Chief Chimp, in a room
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Saturday, April 29, 2006


Shane MacGowan shoo in to sing new Iranian National Anthem (Popes not invited)
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Is that a missile in your pocket? Or are you just basquing?
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