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Toe nail clipper

flock

A. found a collection of items on the driveway this morning: one caster wheel, a roll of paper towels, some electric cable zip ties, a toe nail clipper, some screwdriver bits, a lock tumbler, a valve housing and a few fittings, a spark plug, a few drywall screws, a dental hook thingy, and other seemingly random items. Since we’d risk puncturing our tires if we were to drive over the screws, I bagged up all the flotsam and jetsam and tossed them into the trashcan outside. About a half-an-hour later, a guy rang the doorbell and asked me where all the stuff from the driveway had disappeared to. Another shorter more agitated dude then walked up and asked if I’d seen a toolbox and a wheeled cart. Apparently the shorter guy had gotten into a Valentine’s Day quarrel with his lady friend last night, and this led to a select portion of his possessions being strewn about on our driveway.

They were insistent on getting back the stuff I’d thrown out, and I assured them that it wasn’t a problem and that I’d come out to get it for them. They started to repeat that they really needed the stuff, and I interrupted rather grouchily, “DUDE! I’m coming out!” I bent down to slip on my shoes, and when I stood up they’d disappeared around the corner and they had started helping themselves to the …

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Comment of the Week
Flock

NEWSFLASH! Baby girl born to newbie parents January 20 01:13. 7 pounds, 10.7 ounces, 19 inches. Our little monkey is feeding voraciously : by January 25, she’d gained one pound! In the photog, she’s drunk on mother’s milk.

Labor and delivery went off without a hitch, and mom’s recovery is going smoothly. I’m proud of her for successfully taking on a natural birth. She says it was easier than she expected it to be. Amazing.


Recent Writing:

For Jimmy (this not for you Sharon. Go to hell!)

Spazmo

Dear Jimmy,

I made the house out of garbage in the back yard for a couple (very good) reasons so don’t let your mom tear it down. I know she’s gonna try so don’t let her. One reason I made it is cause the deserts of France, …

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Five Questions: the Spazmo edition

Spazmo

The latest installment of our blog meme, five questions, has BishopX interviewing Spazmo:

1. Who would you say has most shaped your life?

My first thought here was to list all the men who helped me define who I am. Who did I model myself after? Who allowed me …

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14 Comments

Five Questions: the BishopX edition

bishopX

Continuing with our meme, this week BishopX answers Waterhouse’s five questions.
1. In a freak twist of fate, you’ve been declared President of the United States. What do you do? Provide details, even if it involves immediately getting drunk on power. Actually, especially if it …

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21 Comments

Five Questions: the Waterhouse edition

Waterhouse

Following is Murdered Duchess’s interview with Waterhouse in the latest edition of the blog meme, “Five Questions.”

1. Please compose an eloquent, succinct and succulent essay of stylistically compelling and grammatically immaculate prose* regarding three (3) of the following topics:

    …

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Links

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


"We are seeking cute, tasteful, character filled pictures of dogs and their poop."
Beasties • 0 Comments

Man finds "non-human animal tooth" in peanut, loses mind
Eat-Me! • 0 Comments

FBI still searching For Hoffa
Crime • 2 Comments

Robertson, relying on the power of God, predicts that hurricanes will hit U.S. this year
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I hope they harvested his sperm.
Beasties • 0 Comments

Frankie 'Space Cadet' Thomas dead at 85
Reaping-Grimly • 0 Comments

So you wanna be ???
Advice • 3 Comments

Interactive Job Interview
Play-Me! • 0 Comments

How drunk do you have to be to draw caricatures for the WSJ?
Business Creepy Fluff Science • 5 Comments

Aircraft Carrier sunk in Gulf of Mexico
Video • 2 Comments

Screw the family mini van, I gotta have one of these!
Buy-Me! • 0 Comments

Ok, which one of you people had sex with the chimp?!
Science • 5 Comments

How old will you look? (For the especially morbid)
Life • 8 Comments

What can you remember in a glimpse?
Science • 1 Comments

911 Loose Change 2nd Edition
Politics Video • 4 Comments

In Defense of Crack Selling: better than anything I ever wrote
Booze/Pills/Candy Business • 0 Comments

Typical FatJerry Activity (kinda careful@work)
Fat-Jerry Foolhardy Video • 0 Comments

Step back ladies, I've had dibs on this since I was 8
Fluff • 2 Comments

Next time Grandpa brags about walking to school in the snow with no shoes, you can be all, Big deal
Life • 0 Comments

"I said strike A POSE, you skinny bitches!"
Fluff Robot • 1 Comments

Trailer: Sofia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette"
Cinema • 3 Comments

Chef makes love to a woman
Sex • 3 Comments

It Was Mailed From El Paso That's Why!
• 0 Comments

Always and Forever
Reaping-Grimly • 0 Comments

Segmation
Play-Me! • 7 Comments

FOR SALE Elephant treadmill, never used by a elephant
Beasties • 3 Comments

US Goverment Takes Five Years To Do What ILM Could In Lunchbreak.
Creepy Crime Video • 1 Comments

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


Bloody hell!
Booze/Pills/Candy Creepy Foolhardy • 1 Comments

Remember the Valdez?
Beasties Science • 0 Comments

Sony is the tech world's self-loathing little brother
Science • 2 Comments

Those poor poor people…
Crime • 0 Comments

Hatch now has to Survive 51 months in prison
Crime • 1 Comments

Yo, Journey fans! Listen up!
Music Newsflash! • 3 Comments

Man who was a woman cannot be girl's parent
Life • 8 Comments

"In fact, it was in prison that he learned about airplane construction."
Foolhardy • 8 Comments

We gotta protect the borders (of the quail ranch)!
Politics • 6 Comments

Every dog deserves her day
Beasties Buy-Me! Creepy Fluff • 6 Comments

The Daily Show Effect
Politics TV • 3 Comments

Poet Stanley Kunitz dies at 100 (nytimes login req'd.)
Reaping-Grimly • 19 Comments

Nerve.com's interview with Terry Zwigoff
Cinema • 1 Comments

Al Gore says, "Hit me baby one more time!"
Politics • 1 Comments

Hey, how 'bout lunch at the Pink Taco?
Eat-Me! • 6 Comments

ROTM Archive - Drunk monkeys attack villagers (monkeys hate our freedom)
ROTM • 10 Comments

Ass may or not be the new black, but Bush is the new Carter
Politics • 5 Comments

Breaking News: Bono Can Read?!?
Foolhardy • 0 Comments

Big Fish
Politics • 2 Comments

Monday, May 15, 2006


Bears eat monkey in front of zoo visitors
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Alligators are the new shark (less mercury!)
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Creative can't make a decent MP3 player: ergo, you shouldn't be able to buy one.
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"Don't want your head blown off in Iraq? /Go ahead and buy yourself a Mac!"
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ALL NEW! Fat Jerry Comix!!
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Feels so wrong, it can't be right - some things suck in little packages
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Newsflash! TV • 7 Comments

What happens to books in the digital age
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This summer's going to be even hotter than usual for Jackrabbit if he starts sweating tar
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Babe Ruth was an excretor. Are you?
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Official Jerryatric Headgear
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Can You Hear Me BOOM
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"Shit"
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