Yes, he’s a sad has-been. Yes, he’s a bitter old asshole. He is also, however, dead on right through most of this interview.

Is it better to be a has-been than to be a never-was?

He is also, however, dead on right through most of this interview.

Not sure I’m following you. I see a delusional creep. The brown round is the penis? Michael Vick is an ASPCA volunteer?  I think his conclusions are the result of a severely confused logic. I don’t think he’s just bitter, I think he has a profound mental disorder.

Also, while mediocrity is a problem in our society, I feel like that’s a target he accidentally hit. It saddens me that a healthy percentage of America finds Bill Engvall satisfyingly hilarious, sure, but I hardly think Gallagher’s prop comics are the antidote.

Now that I think about it, that’s stupid. Mediocrity isn’t a problem in our society. It’s a problem for me, because I hate Bill Engvall and 99% of the movies classified as “comedies.” But if it makes most people happy, who am I to argue? And if Gallagher were such a comic genius, we would all be buying what he’s selling.

No, he definitely sucks, and has always. He’s definitely the ‘80s analog to Larry the Cable guy. In fact I’ve argued that it’s the exact same audience, shifted in time.

But his answer to the first question, the bit about how and why NBA sucks and especially the bit about there being no bush league for entertainers anymore are right on. The brown round I can’t explain or defend. Major duh. And the complaining about your audience not being sufficiently appreciative is something you’re allowed to think but should probably never air, especially not to anyone who is writing down the things you say.

"I performed with Kenny Rogers for one year as his opening act.”

The Ronnie Milsap deal must’ve fallen through.

I don’t know what it is about stand-up, but all the comedians I’ve known (and I’ve known a bunch, via Comedy Central friend) have been messy in the head. I’m speaking of strictly the people who went from hotel to hotel, town to town, doing stand-up for strangers--the improv folk and the actors I met from a certain fake news show were by and large all extremely likeable people. But the stand-up guys, not so much. I say that as one who takes powerful mind medication: they are much messier in the head than I am.

I had a restraining order against one guy, a comedian, he was that messy in the head. I’m not the restraining-order type, but he called twice to threaten to kill me and his ex-girlfriend. I forget why i was getting murdered, but I had to identify him at the precinct. Which he didn’t like.

Months later, we laughed about it all when we ran into each other on the subway. That is, he laughed, and I laughed with him because I didn’t want him to catch on that I was checking to see if he had a knife. He asked, “Where is your apartment again?” And I said, “Oh, I moved to Queens.”

His logic about Michael Vick is skewed. It’s certainly sad that a football player would die in a game, but that individual was consenting and ostensibly understaood the dangers of what he was doing, and did so for the big payoff, fame and all the other things that go with being a professional athlete. The dogs were not willing participants, they were tortured and had no real benefit coming to them at all.

Additionally, his comparison to dogs being put to sleep in shelters is spurious because people aren’t exactly happy about that either. Ever seen an ASPCA ad on TV? Spay and neuter your pets? Anyone?

He seemed imabalanced certainly, but also kind of stupid and irrational.