Comments

Following is Murdered Duchess’s interview with Waterhouse in the latest edition of the blog meme, “Five Questions.”

1. Please compose an eloquent, succinct and succulent essay of stylistically compelling and grammatically immaculate prose* regarding three (3) of the following topics:

First sex

Best sex

Worst sex

Butt sex

*just kidding, we just wanna hear you talk dirty.

Nice try but there is no way I am going to talk about this over the open internets. Sorry, Duchess.

Seriously.

Oh…all right.

As you are very well aware, my favorite butt sex experience was with you in the Tijuana that time we were running from the Federales and the Cali cartel. We were on top of that industrial washing machine and I remarked that your ass-blush looked particularly becoming under the fluorescent lighting, remember?

Ah, memories.

2. Complete this sentence:

I wish my life were like a _____________ book, but it’s really like a ___________________ film. (Order can be reversed)

I wish my life were like a Coen Brothers film, but it’s really like Ken Burns documentary. Nothing really happens and there should be more ninjas.

3. You get to spend the day living as a powerful despot/dictator, from any period of time, at any point during their reign. Whom would you pick, and why?

This is a tough question and one worthy of careful consideration. After all, there as so many great options to chose from; Stalin during the purges; Mao during the Cultural Revolution; Maximilien Robespierre during the Great Terror; Kim Jong Il at any point of batshit craziness.

It’s not easy to pick just one, but I’m going to have to pick Julius Caesar on account of the way he handled the Gauls and the fact he had the best robes.

4. What are you wearing right now?

Jeans. Yello polo shirt. Shoes. CHUD-festooned underoos.

5. Looking back at the past year of my life makes you want to:
a) laugh
b) cry
c) hurl
d) all of the above

Explain your answer.

It may irk the miserable among you, but this past year really hasn’t been that bad. In fact, it’s been the opposite of bad. After many years stuck in a dead-end job, I quit, enrolled in (and have now mostly finished) a graduate degree related to public policy and security matters, and signed on as an associate editor for a book on cybercrime. With newly-minted free time (see aforementioned dead-end job), I’ve even found time for a social life for myself – one that includes actual women, even.