Well you’re either going out to play in the snow or staying indoors doing God knows what.

I will outside in my t-shirt enjoying the balmy Vancouver weather.  While Whistler has lots of snow, Vancouver and the local mountain Cypress (where the Olympic snow board half pipe event will be) are warm and balmy (flowers are blooming, which is not particularly unusual for Vancouver but the freezing level at Cypress is lower than average this year).. Cypress ski hill is a mud bowl so they are helicoptering, trucking in masses of snow to build the half-pipe.  I envision the Olympic snowboarders launching off the lip and coming to a halt in a puddle at the bottom.  If anything seeing Vancouver on television will dispel any lingering beliefs that all of Canada is frozen tundra with its occupants housed in igloos.

ATM?

What you’re really doing if you’re in Snowtorious B.I.G. in the Midatlantic is lamenting your languishing liquor supply, hoping your power doesn’t go out (again) and getting ready to shovel.

Naw, we don’t shovel. We live in a apartment complex with an indoor garage, they do all the shoveling for us. (Edited to say Spazmo) doesn’t drink, so I don’t much either, and our power supply has been pretty constant. (Edited to say Spazmo) has been fiddling with his bass guitar, I’ve been watching the storm channel (I don’t know, CBS?) and baking a giant black raspberry cream cheese coffee cake (delicious). The sugar rush consequent to the coffee cake led to us traipsing through the snowy woods and around the not-frozen lake.

(Edited to say Spazmo) doesn’t actually eat super sweet sugary coffee cake, but I have to say, it is delicious, so if anybody wants some, come on over. I’m not sure why I made it, except to exploit the powers of the new empire red Kitchen Aid mixer.

Somebody gonna get pregnant!

/Tracy Morgan

Oh and we made a porn movie, Kit the Pony-Assed Trucker and His Park Avenue Bride, to be released on Betamax in limited release for $7.99 in early 2011 at Flying J Travel Plazas ... starring, well, the cats, but you don’t want to know about that.

Somebody gonna get pregnant!

HELL NO!

Spazmo and (name deleted to protect you know who’s identity) are one-and-the-same right? No-ones doing that kinky three way action?

And “no pregnancy” is yet another side benefit of that ATM suggestion.

I could care less, by the way, if y’all know our names, which I figure y’all do by now. But I figure it’s safer leaving them off the site for the sake of the spambots, etc. My bad.

Anyway, I don’t know what the ATM suggestion is. Automated Teller Machine?

Yeah, it’s -totally- that. Trust me. Just don’t trust Spazmo if he asks for it. Or if you do agree, pull out the “Big John” strap-on and ask if he’d like vaseline or spit to “get things started.”

ATM = something only girls who’d been molested will really do and something only potential molesters would really want. That’s really all you want to know about that.

/IMNSHO

RE: Living up to my name in Northern Virginia.

I, for one, cooked every available vegetable in my house. I’ve made roasted eggplant dip, two different curries (with raita) and butternut squash soup, among other things. Before that I paced the apartment for hours waiting for the power company to get my lights and power back on, read the new Dave Eggers cover-to-cover in one sitting, ditto McSweeneys 34, and watched my Roomba (the only thing in my apartment already charged) for an hour. This evening was a busy one, filled with watching the cats squabble, experimenting to come up with the perfect hot toddy recipe and digging out my car from 3 feet of snow. I’ve considered that when it comes time to drive it will likely look like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dooKpdIwwR4.

Thank goodness my power (and Internet) are back.

Wait a mo’. Did GoatBoy just imply I’m a child molester? That is -so- untrue.

Sure, I don’t check birth certificates, but does that alone make me a bad man? I think not. And the CA board of Justice sides with me.

(Needless to say, this is all said in jest. Anyone taking advantage of another is despicable, sick and holy-freaking-god wrong. Taking advantage of minors doubly, tripply, quadly so.)

As usual, I was generalizing wildly.

Snowbound, we have coffee cake. Also, Spazmo made collard greens and fried okra. There’s no collard greens left, but we’ll bring the rest over and climb through the snow to get there because jeez, that sounds deliciously awesome. We should get there just in time for Super Bowl/Puppy Bowl/Kitty Bowl ... although it may be 2011.