1. Unsanitary Snack Bars
Sure, we all run out of Junior Mints at times, especially during the big scenes. So we dash out to the concession stand for more, not stopping to wash the santorum from our hands as we go. So a little “splashage” is about to occur. Tip: bring your own Junior Mints (large size).

2. Dirty 3D Glasses
Thankfully, most of the movies in my genre tend not to be in 3D, so this is not so much a worry. However, if you must rent a pair, check for possible prior urethra insertion. Your sense of smell is your best bet.

3. Fecal Matter … Outside of the Bathroom
Most patrons will be aware of their fecal attractions and leave them in the stall—but bear in mind, they may not have brought their own cleaning supplies when inside the bathroom. As such, if you don’t absolutely need to fell the sensations of glory in the hole, just avoid. Fecal matter can, on occasion, of course be brought out to the theatre itself: smeared on fingers, on hands, on an incompletely wiped tush, or in a Junior Mints box. As such, always bring some moist baby wipe-down wipes and polish off your seat before you sit down. For bonus ecology points, retain the baby-wipe for a secondary use when you splash your own baby batter around. It’s also good manners to keep a spare wipe or two in case your effluent have unexpected velocity and make touches down on the patron in fronts back of head/hair.

For those who like to make their own fecal matter outside the bathroom and “on the spot”, bringing along a hot dog tray can help you make this less of an issue for future customers.

4. Head Juice on Your Seat