Jael won last time so she’s sure to be gone this time. Though if they want to be just they should eliminate Twiggy.

I really hope they drop the names thing. It’s no less annoying than when your sixth-grade best friend decides she wants to be known as Jennafire or Jennafiere instead of Jenny, and corrects you every time you say otherwise.

Or in Spanish class, when your teacher made you pick a Spanish name.

Yeah, Jael’s days are numbered, they’re starting to make her look like an asshole.  And Whitney needs to go.  She’s too intelligent to be there, and she sucks as a model.

They’re doing the redemptive arc story line with Renee.  Great, biatch will be in our faces for a few more weeks.  At least until they get to their foreign destination, which is rumored to be here.

At least they’ll finally clean the road kill off of Brittany’s head.

Yeah, Brittany’s weave just looks like a clump of something the cat left behind in the cellar--the cat that died a few years back. It’s all matted and nasty, and every time they show her I want to scratch it off.

This week’s episode sounds sofa king we todd did:

AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL” - (8:00-9:00 p.m. ET)

EFREN RAMIREZ ("NAPOLEON DYNAMITE") and TIA MOWRY ("THE GAME") GUEST STAR - The models get a crash course in character acting from actress Tia Mowry, then are immediately thrown into an acting challenge with Efren Ramirez, the famous Pedro from “Napoleon Dynamite.”. The best actor and her friend get an unexpected visit, causing one model to have an emotional breakdown. Excitement rises when Top Models of the past show up for a photo shoot that highlights the most scandalous moments of the series. Ppecial guests include Kim Stolz (Cycle 5), Shannon Stewart (Cycle 1) Rebecca Epley (Cycle 5), Michelle Deighton (Cycle 4), Bre Scullark (Cycle 5), Joanie Dodd (Cycle 6), Michelle Babin (Cycle 7), Amanda Babin (Cycle 7), photographer and guest judge Matthew Jordan Smith (#808).

Bre’s last name was Scullark?  That’s...unfortunately close to Scullery Maid.

Scandalous moments: Bre’s missing granola bar and her subsequent annihilation of Nicole’s Red Bull supply!  Joanie gets rid of her snaggle tooth!  Kim is a big dyke and stuff!  Michelle from season 4 is a big dyke and stuff!  Michelle from season 7 is a big dyke or whatever!  Shannon doesn’t get nekkid!  Amanda bores everyone to tears!  And who the eff is Rebecca Epley?

If this show got any dumber...I’d have to get TiVo so I could watch over and over and over.

You know what that means? Nothing’s happening this season so let’s revive past seasons. I was going to say they don’t have that crazy girl who went out snapping her fingers declaring we’d never forget her, but I can’t remember her name.

JADE!!

Oh my god, how fucking awesome would a whole Jade-themed photo shoot be?

Using a jade-themed dictionary.

I’m an analistic exotic bi-racial butterfly.  When I grow up I want to study preposterous creatures such as elephants, descendants of the mighty dinosaurs.  Recognize.

She really was analistic, though.

"She was raised by a pack of drag queens.”

That’s the “theme” for the week? Wow, the Gay, Lesbian and Alternative Lifestyle group must be feeling so loved.

Brit: clearly does not have a whole lot of expression in her fizz - is that good or bad? Bad shoot for her.

Dionne: Just looks like she has a headache all the time. Advil dear, Advil—and when they say take two, they mean bottles.

Jael: Icky poo. Bad posing, bad hair, OK dress. Let me come back after six beers and let me know if I’d fuck her.

Jaslene: Nice set, and she gets to engage the viewer with her eyes more, but overall she’s again not got a wide range of expression. Still, looks pretty.

Natasha: where the others can’t move their face much, she does it way too much. Everything is overstated. And the hair could have worked but it’s terrible.

Renee: Looks fine, but I don’t see her hitting the topic. Just another blond with a fake smile. Haircut is nice, but too high maint.

Sarah: Looks far too much like my little friend Sarah to comment, except this gal has no tattoos. V

Whitney: Again, not really seeing the theme here. Photos could be anyone really. Over uses her hands. I don’t find her pretty, so I guess I’m just always gonna be ehhh.

analistic - that’s begging for some rap flow, but alas I lack teh requisite skillz

supercalorieananisticexbeaudohertyocious

supercalorieanalisticexbeaudohertyocious

Bad shoot for her.

that’s cuz her weave was hurting her.  In her defense, that dead animal looked like it was rubbing her scalp raw.

Dionne: Just looks like she has a headache all the time. Advil dear, Advil—and when they say take two, they mean bottles.

dude, you need to watch the show.  Dionne is awesome.  Natasha is Dada-esque in her complete non-sequitorial hilarity.  And if you do slam those 6 beers and decide to fuck Jael, wear a rubber or 10.  Bitch’s been around the block a few times.

I guess I could download it, not having any form of TV. Yeah, it’s hard to judge just by pictures, but at the same time that’s mainly what these girls will end up doing isn’t it?

Well, that and $20 blowjobs at the New Jersey turnpike.

was anyone else agog at tyra’s, um… look tonight?

I like that J (the silver haired one) called Jaslene a drag queen.

Lamest photoshoot concept ever.  At least they finally put Whitney out of her misery and sent her home.  Also, they’re clearly setting up Jaslene for a Lisa-esque booting: takes fierce photos, but is unavoidably, inarguably fugly, and hence has to go.

Dimmer, if you go to the ANTM website, you can watch the show online.

And yeah, Tyra’s look made her seem kind of fat. In a bad way.

Is she worried about a receding hairline?  B/c she’s been wearing a head covering of some sort every judging.

And I’m really glad Carisa didn’t win Top Design.  She was annoying as eff.

Yeah, me too. But wow. Matt has a wife? And a kid? I admit that surprised me.

Maybe “wife” is a euphemism.  You know how Bravo TV hates those homersexuals.

And I have to comment on the complete and utter fuggletude of this photo:

First, the outfits?  Like a cross between prisoners and short bus riders.  Also, Brit looks like a dude.  Even more than that dude Jaslene.  And they complimented her on her ability to match the twins’ crappy posture and “awkward” (read: crappy) posing? 

And don’t get me started on those dumbass speech bubbles.  Ugh.

Also need to snark on Kim’s Indigo Girls look.  That quasi-mullet will give me nightmares for weeks.

The photos lately have been really amateurish. Last week’s and then this week’s? Blegh.

Oh and Matt was right, whatever he said about winning at the end. He seemed such an obvious front runner from the get-go.

my top model buddy and i have formulated a theory that a few episodes down the line it will be revealed that jaslene is in fact a tranny. the voice, the lack of curves, the face… looks like a healthy does of hormones and a tuck to me.

looks like a healthy does of hormones and a tuck to me.

ANTM actually has a no-tranny policy, which we know thanks to the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency.  Tranny Claudia had been in the semi-finals for ANTM, but was axed when they found out she was pre-op.  So J. Dick was all, Oh I’m way more open minded, join my agency, only to drop her ass like a fake Chanel purse covered in dog poo at the end of the season.

At least Claudia was a pretty tranny.  Jaslene is just fug.

But I wouldn’t put it past this show to pretend not to know about Jaslene’s willy until halfway through, and then create a whole scandal when the truth is “discovered” that can serve as the theme of a photoshoot a few seasons from now.