Fish technically can’t swim.

I once preached at the Yankee Cathedral of Southern Baptists.

Why did my coworker give me red playdoh?  Is she telling me she thinks I’m a comnmie?

I’d add a little lemon butter, it gives it that something extra. No dill though. Never dill.

My last dream last night was the Dildo Song video - over and over and over.

Girl, he didn’t mean to give you rabies.

You just have to watch for signals, like that burning pile of clothes in the living room.

I called her a candyass, but the bacon was good.

We all went over to look at it.

Batman ate my baby.

Lemurs are nature’s tax attorneys.

The Book of Billy saith: Watch Thou For the CHUD, For They Are Among Thee

Purple is as Purple does.

I think, therefore, the sky isn’t green in Germany.

It as if we were in a float plane full of clowns, only without the pontoons.

I am told that "An orange is an orange, because a vest has no sleeves." but I am dubious.

The anus is not to be mistaken for a pocket.

OK, I’m taking a time out from the theory of the thread to say ONE THING.

“Yaarrrrrhhhh, gloveshot, yaaaaarrrrhhhh!”

Short people got half a body.

Once you’ve forked the pickle in the jar, there’s no point in crying over a little spilled brine.

Somewhere on my dog a flea is searching for her spouse.

It’s my ass not a fortune teller’s crystal globe, there’s nothing to see here bub.

Learning from your failures and mistakes involves careful thinking.

what’s this in my tureen? SHEEP?

A koala killed my mom.  Nah, he just fucked up her face pretty bad.

She kept screaming “mot juste”.  All I wanted to know whether ‘honey pot’ was a euphemism for ‘cum dumpster’.

"This room belongs to the poor man you see there. The Commanches fractured his skull, scalped him and cut off his penis.”

“God damn it, you don’t have to blab that to every son of a bitch who wanders past!”

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have a winner.

Hawaiian shirts are the best because if you spill burrito juice all over them, it just looks like part of the pattern.

I can’t take credit for that, Moira. That’s Edwin Shrake, the only writer I’ve found who gives Larry McMurtry a run for his money.

There are no games in any of the top four US Major League sports tonight.

These pretzels are making me thirsty.

Beethoven’s Tits would be a good name for a band.

Audubon’s Tits would have them ALL wondering.