Many years back, I was indentured to the US Forest Service. My home region was crushed by the mid-80’s economic downturn. In exchange to 8 weeks of lucrative labor at a tree nursery, I agreed to a 4 year ‘on call’ agreement with the Forest Serviced. The call came 2 days before the wife’s 10th reunion. I was summoned to report for a physical evaluation for fighting wildfires in the Rocky Mountains. Those who passed the exam and were in the ‘program’ would then spend three 12 hour sessions of training.

At the physical exam, held in the local National Guard Armory, there were both Guardsman and Forest Rangers shouting at everyone. Your physical abilities were going to stressed and examined to the fullest. “The consumption of tobacco and caffeine will be detrimental to your exam, so please refrain from consuming any coffee or soda, or smoking or chewing this morning.” Since we were going to party hard, I guzzled New Coke and sucked down one Camel after another. The testing was done in a separate room from the main arena where we awaited for our number to be called. Those who passed were taken to a staging area at one end and those who failed were escorted out the door.

Most of the guys and gals who were being escorted out were the runners, lifters and local jocks. I was feeling good. If those well muscled, lean, body worshiping folks failed the physical, no way could I pass.

Finally my number was called. I dropped the 1/2 Camel into the near empty Coke can and walked into the little room. They took my blood pressure and pulse. then they had me do a step up-step down for 4 minutes. Then they took my blood pressure and pulse. I passed.

(Later I was talking about this to friend who was a psychology major going for his Master’s. He laughed. It wasn’t a physical at all. It was a stress management test. They were weeding out people who would panic under pressure. Those were not the type of people wanted in an extreme situation where death was a very real possibility.)

I did do the training, but our unit was never summoned to service.