Of course, the simplest explanation for men buying sex is that they like it.

Yeah, we’re pretty uncomplicated like that. We like it when two round things are side-by-side. And if we can have access to those round things without the effort to be charming, and with no risk of feeling rejected? Oh, man. Life is a lot easier.

Fuckable robots will change society as drastically as immortality.

Spazmo, you stole the 130,000 boobs, didn’t you?  All part of your nefarious plan for a giant boob robot?

All part of your nefarious plan for a giant boob robot?

Yes, I’m building a mechanical tit-hydra.

We like it when two round things are side-by-side. And if we can have access to those round things without the effort to be charming, and with no risk of feeling rejected? Oh, man. Life is a lot easier.

Christmas solved! I’m going to glue to basketballs to a piece of wood and send you back to Baltimore.

I think for a certain percentage of the married and successful types, the Eliot Spitzers, if you will--there’s got to be some adrenaline rush to the illicitness as well.

Christmas solved! I’m going to glue to basketballs to a piece of wood and send you back to Baltimore.

Aw, c’mon, it’s Christmas—stick a fleshlight and some lube in there.

Christmas solved! I’m going to glue to basketballs to a piece of wood and send you back to Baltimore.

Of course, if you have a wonderful girl like Lady P, you don’t care about any other woman’s round things at all ever for ever and ever.

But, really, being in a relationship is the best deal of all. Because you get round things AND she pays for a lot of stuff too. For serious. You should get one.

All men pay for sex, all the time. If you are in a relationship, you pay by putting up with PMS, shoe buying, and by being put into situations where every word you say is wrong (there are no correct or safe responses). Sure, you do not pay cash, but the female gets a satisfactory reward, even if it is just watching him squirm uncomfortably, at the males expense.

Uh, yeah, b/c women don’t have to put up any sort of unsavory behavior/hygiene issues in a relationship. 

Quit yer bitchin and show me some titty, boy.

AND she pays for a lot of stuff too.

The money you requested for the platinum feeldoe was a LOAN, buddy. A LOAN. Same with the pearl and gold nipple clamps.

Everyone else, I’ll let you know when our Very Special Episode of Judge Judy airs.

platinum feeldoe

Can you get that monogrammed?  I’m thinking perfect xmas gift, y’know?

Well, I suppose you could, but he wants his to say, “Don’t underestimate the Force.” I don’t know why he wants it to say that, but he does. It’s to go down the length of the feeldoe, one letter at a time.

The Force of the Chocolate Starfish?

He does have powerful ass muscles.

You been messin with Spazmos mule?