I’ll remind everyone also that it doesn’t have to be a TRUE story. You can go anywhere you want with this.

Here’s a contest.  Have people write about how they truly feel about other catchers—er—fatjerry-ites.  Who do you hate and why?  Who do you love and why?  They could include themselves.

Donned costume.  Sought candy.  Got arrested.

There, that’s my entry.

Who do you hate and why? Who do you love and why?

For the last half, that might work as a jerry-up, but not really as a contest, since we can only pick one winner. Do the judges pick the one most flattering to them? or buy picking one about a specific member, do they look like they favor TAHT member over the essay about another member… I don’t know. That’s complicated.

As for hate, ugh. Even in a tongue-in-cheek way, that seems guaranteed to hurt people. I love to tease people but I’m not here to see anybody get hurt. If somebody’s causing problems (including myself), raise the issue--either here, or by emailing fatjerry@fatjerry.com (which goes to the entire editorial board).

I hope there’s not a lot of hatred going on, anyway. I only hate Spazmo, and the only reason I hate Spazmo is because he brutalizes that Donna, making her do all those dishes. Sexist pig.

So the contest is what it is. But if you have any idea about PRIZES, that, there’s room for. (future contest suggestions welcome, all the same)

I could write about the time I was Edward Penis-Hands but the part about what happened when I went out in public is kind of appalling.

How does THAT work? You’re one of the judges.

Oh yeah. I was just thinking about it… you know… all I’m saying…

I gotta go bye.

Uh oh.

All I got are vignettes. I simply don’t think in sustained narratives.

I’m a reader, not a writer. I lack the skills necessary to put together a coherent story.

I will artfully read any other’s submissions, though.

M&S, I understand, it ain’t everyone’s cup of tea. But perhaps you could drum up some cool prize ideas then? That prize might be “priceless,” but the budget is ~$25.

I wonder if there’s somewhere I could post a notice…

LP, I am working on something for Daily Bread, though it has nothing to do with Halloween.

It does, however, involve violence. And crack cocaine…

Can’t wait to see it!

Edward Penis-Hands

Damn I can’t top that.

As for prizes.

A. For the male Jerratrixs, an all expense trip to NYC for a world wind tour of Lady P’s apartment.

B. For the ladies the same thing except substitute spazmo for Lady P.

But I’m still trying to figure out how to finance it.

hahaha. My apartment. That would take all of 1 minute. You could stand in the kitchen, look to the right to the bedroom, to the left to the living room, and on your way out peek in the water closet.

Speaking of water closets, for some reason, my parents, when they were in Europe, did nothing to adapt linguistically save upping the volume occasionally. They didn’t talk slower, they didn’t try to learn any words, they just talked the same as they always talk, as much as they always talk, which is a lot.

Except one thing. For some reason, in Europe, they referred to all bathrooms as “Water Closets,” even bathrooms that weren’t really water closets. On leaving a restaurant, they might say, “oh one moment, i have to step into the water closet.” These words rolled off their tongues as natural as “jesus” and “christ,” no elbow jab to them at all.

My apartment. That would take all of 1 minute.

Op’s sorry, there is the sex thing, that will take some time.

Financing would work like this… we’d all have to individually pose nude in really embarrassing positions for the 2007 Fat Jerry Calendar.

Marketing concept to follow.

pose nude in really embarrassing positions

I’m sure that there are more than one of us for which any nude pose would constitute an embarrassing position.  And then there is the personal sanity of the photographer to consider.

then there is the personal sanity of the photographer to consider.

It’s only a coincidence, but the photographer is blind.

I am not up for a prize. cause this is beyond lame-o, but I’ll just try and get the story pump primed here. Once during a church Halloween party, I was out back smoking and I ran across a 4 year old boy lurking behind the cars in the church parking lot. His mom had gone to incredible trouble and expense to dress him up in gauze as The Mummy. It was a big deal, she told me later she had even made him watch the movie before she remembered it really was pretty scary for a little kid. So, naturally the wrappings had come undone, and he was miserable. I said “Dude! You are totally a superhero. You’re Underwear Man!” He was so cool about it. A few minutes later he is flying through the parish hall with his arms out wide and his guaze bandage trailing behind, he’s yelling “I"M UNDERWEAR MAN”. That was twenty years ago, he’s still at it, and Now You Know .... The Rest Of The Story.
parts of it are true.
*Ducks vase*

Possible prizes:

A teddy bear with the winner’s Jerry name embroidered over the heart.

A pair of LP’s used panties, worn at least two days in a row.

A virtual trophy, virtually inscribed with the winners name and deed. To be proudly displayed on the front page for a suitable length of time.
Winners of any future contests could have their name and deed added to the trophy.

A teddy bear with the winner’s Jerry name embroidered over the heart.

I think most people would rather have the amazon gift certificate, but if I’m wrong, by all means, tell me so.

A pair of LP’s used panties, worn at least two days in a row.

This cannot happen. Who wears panties?

A virtual trophy, virtually inscribed with the winners name and deed. To be proudly displayed on the front page for a suitable length of time.
Winners of any future contests could have their name and deed added to the trophy.
This CAN happen.

I just noticed that it’s Eddie in the pic.  Here’s the full picture for those interested:

Is Eddie going trick or treating this year?

He could really rake in the goodies if he did. Catnip, sardines ...

If he could push (or, ride in) a grocery basket, he could go out as a church group collecting canned tuna for the needy.