A weird bit of The Cap’n. I always figured he was the Zappa of the intellectuals.

"All hail Captain Beefheart”

Took me 40 years to figure that cat out. It makes me worry though that someday I’ll be telling people to “really listen” to Grateful Dead albums…

Alright, “American Woman” was OK, but HOLLY FUCKIN’ SHIT ITS’ STARTED! MERCIE KILLING NOW!

Some random kitty cuteness with a hiss.

No. All hail Captain Beefheart, but Trout is actually named after the Baltimore “delicacy” Lake Trout, which is neither from a lake nor actual trout.

It’s fried, between a little and a lot bony, shoved into a white-bread sandwich, and served with condiments like ketchup, hot sauce, horseradish. It’s almost ubiquitous in Baltimore’s better neighborhoods, as seen below.

Trout is a Baltimore kind of cat. Not only is she the State Cat of Maryland (the only state to have a state cat), but she has this reckless, clumsy, full-throttle, low-brow charm that seems in sync with the region. She even sports a mullet. Also, she likes to swim, so it’s fitting she bear the name of a falsely identified fish.

So will you name the next two “Mask” and “Replica”?

The kitties, they are pretties.

You guys are severely deficient in cat photos. I bring them to you now:

Trout

Donna, Trout

Sadie

Trout

Sadie

Yahoo changed the page, but you can see Jane in a different dress at 72.

Say what you want about Jane, but I’d still try to do her.

Our first computer ... my father bought it from my brother-in-law, who worked doing sales for some computer company out of Indiana, with three letters in its name (not IBM)—it was a piece of shit, just like my brother-in-law.

My boss told me this past week, after I requested more employees, “you can’t just hire more people because the amount of people you have isn’t enough to do all the work! You need a reason!”

Later he said, “I know you hate me—let’s just get that out in the open, so it’s there on the table.” I just laughed.

He said it again one more time maybe half an hour after that. “Yeah, you hate me. Just so you know I know.” I laughed again. There’s only so much lying I can do.

I started on a TI-99/4A. That was great fun, but not to compatible with BBS in our area, and the old phone modems were outrageously priced, so we weren’t connected. It was fun, and kids learned a lot from it, as well as taught us a lot about our kids.

Next up was an IBM AT cast off from a major corporation. It had some serious upgrades for the times. 1 meg of memory and a 10 meg HD. Had a lot of office software, and some fairly awesome graphic imaging and charting programs. Hooked up the modem, but there were few internet options available, mostly just dialed into local BBSs.
Then in 1999 we got a genuine surfing machine with a free year of MSN dial-up. 128K/20meg.

In 2003 had a processor burnout, so we bought the box that ran pretty much 24/7 with 1gig/250gig. We got the current box in 12/11. 8gig/1ter, quad core. I should be able to design my own space vehicle with this one if I want to.

Because I’ve been a computer user since before I was born, I joined the International Guild of DOS Users. My first time experience is here (but it’s rather dull, so don’t follow the link before you want to take a nap).

Haha! Yeah, I gave the guy a dollar. I guess he gathered up the props from a visit to the ER, figured that was the best approach. “ give me a dollar or I’ll gross you right out”. Nobody wants to see the real thing.

Oh snap, I Missed the A.

fter 3 weeks af rain, wind and clouds, the sun is out today in the Minneapolis area. But the forecast for the rest of the week is rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, rain.

Where? Please tell me where! I’m so sick of the daily gloom.

Holy shit! the sun is shining!

I’ve had a catheter twice (following seizures et al). It’s not that much of a hassle while in the hospital I guess, but when it comes time for it to be removed (it gets stuck up inside the willie with a little ballon type thing) and they tell you that you won’t feel a thing they are lying.

A close relative wore “The Bag” for a couple of years after having about half of their colon removed. The biggest issue was when it was time to empty the bag. There is no bathroom exhaust fan or air freshener strong enough to make the stench somewhat less.

Holy crap, Balderdash. That’s horrible.

I have never seen a colostomy bag firsthand, but on our trip to Eastern Europe, my dad got a bladder infection and had to get a catheter up his willie, with a travel pee bag and the works, for use until his eventual return to the first world, or at least a nation with modern medicine. I did not see anything, but for two weeks i heard a lot about the willie, the catheter, the bag, the pee ...

Good times.

It could have been worse I guess: “Hey, you wanna smoke some shit man?”

Colostomy: it’s not my bag.

But the question is, did you offer a donation? Or could you not give a shit?

a skinny old man stopped me last night to ask if I could help with some money for some parts for his colostomy bag setup. I asked him how much he needed, and he said “about five dollar and thirtyeight cent”. Then he started pulling up his shirt to show me about the missing parts. Just mug me, okay?

“well, anytime you bring in a new boss, at least half the team quits. And half the team DID quit already, so now we’re probably doing much better.”

Wow. I guess he’s extrapolating from his own experience: “When you bring me in as a new boss, at least half the team quits…”

Way to justify your crappiness there boss.

Damn, I get my usage wrong when I do stuff before retiring for the day.

Hey LP! Great to here from you. Have you considered putting a safety net under your balcony?

It was chilly here yesterday. But back to normal now.

Here’s my updates:
1. We moved to a bigger apartment, and now the cats have a balcony. Let’s just hope they don’t fall off. The fireplace is nice, I can’t wait to use it. Maybe I’ll just turn the ac up real cold. Global warming be damned. Oh wait, we live near the coast.

2. We just got back from NYC, where we took Parker to Jersey for his knighting. The king had the vocal delivery of the great Paul Lynde, so when he said, “Kneel before me, son,” it took on a whole new meaning. It was my greatest accomplishment ever. Parker had no idea that he was about to become Lord Parker, and when they called his name, it took him about a minute to realize what was happening. He says he will repay me in kind, but I told him, don’t worry—this one’s on me. He said, “oh no, trust me. When you least expect it, you will get yours.” He would have to win the lottery.

3. We had the meeting with HR today where we review the employee evaluation forms for our team. Our department (the one my boss is in charge of, not the mini-department I run) got the lowest scores in the company. When confronted with the fact that almost 90% of his employees are actively looking for new jobs because they hate him so much, my boss reasoned, “well, anytime you bring in a new boss, at least half the team quits. And half the team DID quit already, so now we’re probably doing much better.”

Anyway, how’s everybody? Hope all’s well.

After the warmest March in history up here, April is back to the normal range. Absolutely great!

Pardon a small indulgence: jebuz gowd damn it’s hotter than a teenagers twat in a cut price whorehouse. My haircutter had to spend as much time wiping down my sweat from my face as she did fuckin’ with my follicles…

Yeesh.

Well, I guess I’m just happy that I pretty much only buy Macaroni Salad from the local shop. Although that could be bad though: think of the elbows…

The store where we usually shop does not display the cooker as most do. That is probably why they sell many many of the things.

I have no idea. They freak me out. Usually there’s at least one with a partially detached limb that keeps getting hung up in the works.

What is it about them damn rotisserie chickens from the grocery store that makes them so tasty?

Gone for soldiers every one
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the Jerrys gone?

For about a dozen years I got very ill 3-6 weeks after the flu shot. I have not submitted my body to these injections the last 2 years, and although I’ve had a few sniffles, I haven’t been so ill I hoped I would die so I would feel better.

Wow, did you take this up with your PCP? Since I’ve been raspberry, I get a flu shot each year and while I do get a minor case of sniffles for a day or two after, it’s so much better than catching even 24 hour flu once a season. If it’s not working for you, then catching the real thing would be a potential life threatener for you.

As far as toenails go, I get woken up by the wife stating that I’ve ripped through yet another set of sheets… Gawd bless the unimaginative wedding gifts that keep multiple replacements at hand.

Or foot, I guess.

Headline from my local newspaper today:

Homeless man bitten by decapitated head of poisonous snake

BTW: Wishing for a quick recovery for Balderdash! Sending good health waves your way!

I wake up at night because my toenails hurt.

I haven’t been that ill since I gave up flu shots. For about a dozen years I got very ill 3-6 weeks after the flu shot. I have not submitted my body to these injections the last 2 years, and although I’ve had a few sniffles, I haven’t been so ill I hoped I would die so I would feel better.

me= be

Such a rhinovirus I am dealing with. I wake up at night because my toenails hurt. I sound like Lauren Bacall. I can’t remember if I’ve exceeded my daily ibuprophen maximum. I am so glad I don’t have to hear me coughing from outside my body. Carpenter bees are chewing holes in the structural members of my barn. It seems to me that they should me called the opposite of carpenter bees.

Voles of the Jersey Shore

Please return to thinking about voles. Thank you.

So I got to thinking about macrame (from the top of this page) and did a GIS for sex macrame. Probably borderline viewing for the workplace if you have your google set to moderate.

Wow, I gotta commit to shoving some more links up here. Apols. Can’t even say that the new baby is taking me away: only seen photos so far. But I will try to do better.

Weather wise, it’s a little drizzly here, but not too bad. Can’t wait for next week when ma ol’ chronish mama appears to tell me I’m not doing anything like they would have back in her day…

Shalom slalom.

Enjoy, Gloveshot. I envy you your weather.

It’s unusually chilly and rainy here, and the weekend’s supposed to be worse. I’m thinking of going to Maine or somewhere for the warm, sunny weather....

Summer! In March! The weather is unbelievable! Supposed to hit 72 today. That about 28 degrees above average for March 13th.  I hope it levels off before our average temps are supposed to be in the 80s.

Awwww. New cousin. Tell him now, but please don’t tell him about the tooth fairy till he’s able to properly cash in.

Just because somebody had to do it.