What's Fat Jerry?

A collection of hopefully smart, occasionally obnoxious, usually irreverent individuals discussing and debating current events (entertainment, politics, the arts, news of the weird, ANTM). See the about section.

Yes, but who is Fat Jerry?

If you turn off the lights, the television, the radio, if you unplug every appliance in your house (not the fridge), lie on your sofa, close your eyes, and wait, you'll eventually come to a point where you discover the answer. Its okay to masturbate in the process, sometimes that hurries things along.

Please let us know what you discover.

Why should I become a member?

Becoming a member allows you to post links, submit entries to Your Daily Bread, participate in polls, and meet people who might have prescription drugs to sell you. It's also a way to show us you care.

How do I become a member?

See the headline? See the word that says "Join?" Third from left? Yeah. Click that. Fill in the blanks, wait for your activation email, and when you get it, click on the link. You've done this before, probably.

I feel weird about being a member of an online community.

So do we. But we still get up in the morning.

I can't register/log in/post a picture/submit a link, etc.

For technical issues, email fatjerry@fatjerry.com

How come I can upload an avatar but not my photo?

That's what photobucket's for.

How do I post a link?

Click on the submit link in the masthead and follow directions.

I know a website with great links! Can I post all of them?

Just pick one or two. Don't plunder. That's rude, and we'll make fun of you if you do it.

I posted a link and it's not showing up!

We receive many links and not all are posted. Sometimes links are dupes of things we've seen before, or sometimes the link doesn't seem particularly newsworthy, humorous, or otherwise relevant. Jerry's decision in this matter is final, immutable and may seem illogical. No amount of cake, cash or coke will change this decision. Whining to the moderators especially will only result in future submissions receiving extra scrutiny.

You would so love my blog, sex chair, product that I am selling! Will you thank me for posting the link?

No. In the words of Admin Comrade AreYouSparkling, we will "unceremoniously ban" you. You will still be able to visit us, but you will never be able to post, again, and we will delete your link.

Unless it IS a sex chair, and then we will leave you around, to see if your sexual talent is really so shrivelly and embarrassingly useless that you need machinery to get it going on. Once we are done toying with you, we will let you die slowly without limbs, like cats do with lizards.

I have a great song/video/idea for you!

We would love to hear from you, and encourage submissions to all of the above and more. Send all songs, polls, videos (or links to them) to fatjerry@fatjerry.com

Submit suggestions to fatjerry@fatjerry.com

I can write better than you. How do I post my entry to the Daily Bread on the left there?

Click on the submit link in the header. Click on the "Submit Article" beneath the masthead. Enter your submission here. We can't use all submissions, and we reserve the right to edit any we receive, but we very much look forward to reading yours.

How do I post a comment?

In 1973, an American computer scientist by name of Vinton Cerf invented the Internet ...

How do I turn off Auto Notification?

Scroll down the right hand side of the screen until you see "Who's Logged In." Click on your name. This should bring you to your member page. Click on Control Panel. Click on email settings. Make sure "Enable email notifications by default when you post messages" is unchecked. If you're still having trouble, email fatjerry@fatjerry.com

How do I post a picture?

If you found the image on another website, right click on the image and copy the information next to "properties." Assuming the image isn't giant, you can just paste that url directly in your comment and you will see the image when you preview.

If the image is enormous, type in the html yourself using the img tags and add a width="500px" tag.

If the image is saved to your hard drive, upload it to a free image hosting service like photobucket.

Can I post naked pictures?

It's not about censorship on our end. If you'd like to share the video of you having sex with Fabio or Kitty Dukakis, by all means, post a link. But if we post naked people on the site, half of our members will find the link blocked when they get to the office. Send all your homemade porn to Flock, Dimmer, and Spazmo.

Can I swear?

Fuck yeah. Try to keep it down in the headlines though, just a wee-bit (adding a * for a vowel will do), for the reasons listed above in the naked pictures answer.

I'm new here. Who's BishopX? Why does Jackrabbit hate Jesus? Is Dimmer in a reliable special education program? How can I get Murdered Duchess's phone number?

These are people that are ready to show you their love. I don't mean that there's a surprise for you under their trenchcoats, though in Jackrabbit's case that may well be true (go with it: can't hurt, might help). The point is, you are most welcome here.

What does the code button do?

It allows you to show people how to post code without posting code.

Who or what is Bevets?

He trolls the internet with a Bartlett's Quotations in his pocket (no, he's not happy to see you), arguing for creationism (except that arguing implies more than reciting quotations); his self-righteousness and the lump in his pants have deceived me into thinking he might secretly be a scathingly kinky man.

You suck! How can I get banned?

Anything that falls under the category of "Asshole" will get you permanently exiled from this community. While you can do what you like here, don't do things you wouldn't like done to you. Spamming here will not be effective, as these folks spend all their spare moolah on cat treats and bacardi; trolling will not get you anywhere fast either. Pretending to be another jerryatric, attempting to hack or deface the site, just generally being an asswipe may well result in you being banned or anything else we see fit. Remember: it's not big and it's not clever.