Fat Jerry

2. Spazmo: Because they weren’t doughnuts. Yeast balls differ greatly from doughnuts. It’s like comparing angels to men. Donuts are light and heavenly. Every little bubble in a donut is an angel’s wish being breathed into the confection. Yeast balls require yeast to rise for their shameful, mortal pantomime. Still, yeast balls have free will. For all the seraph-like splendor of a donut it is withal-bound to follow, each on his own, the path set by God in his Infinite Wisdom. So, I will advise you that it is better to be a yeastball and eat a doughnut. Any questions?

3. Flock: Can the fetishized colonized fetishize other fetishized colonized? Or would that rip a hole in the fabric of space/time?

4. Lord Henry Wotton: That commercial creeps me to my essence. Perhaps its because I follow the scenario past the limits of the commercial. Could you imagine living in that shitty apartment with the little guy hanging there all hours of the day? I couldn’t even fathom trying to sleep with him munching right across a paper thin apartment wall: *munch, munch, munch* ------ *munch, munch, munch* Making small talk with you: “Mornin’ Jerry...*munch, munch* “how’d ya sleep?” Answering all the jeopardy questions *munch, munch* “What is Albuquerque?!” *munch, munch* Until you come home one night to find him inebriated, nude, and bitter—Swaying there like a grotesque side of beef in a butcher’s freezer. Munching away while telling the sordid details of his former life and ex-wives. It really makes me shudder. And then when they bring in “little guy #2” to eat the first little guy’s excrement?

5. Waterhouse: It’s a sad day in America when a recently-paroled felon can’t masturbate nude in public whilst concealing a six-inch screwdriver up his ass.

6. Stubby: Maybe we can colonize the moon with criminal astronauts, kinda like Australia.

7. Bishopx: Alone in my room/Why won’t anyone try my/Pineapple cock ring

8. Lady Penelope: I don’t date the natives anyhow. They talk funny, with their brooklyn accents and bizarre ideas about unisex bathrooms and gun control. All my boys are strapping and southern, and they grow like kudzu when the occasion arises.

9. Moira: I’d rather be Syphilis than Rabies. At least people have more fun contracting you.

10. Waterhouse: There once was a lady who’s chief point of attraction/ was her very great powers of contraction/ one man warned next of kin/ then slipped a finger in/ and that’s how he wound up in traction.

11. CoCo: There was a girl with strong vaggy suction/ And very great powers of destruction/ Pulled him in as far as the wrist/ And sadly he lost his big fist/ Today? No right hand seduction. //There was a girl sang with her throat/ And though she was ugly and bloat/ The boys she could suck!/ They said to selves - Luck!/ Unfortunate each her axe smote.// There was a near 40 year from N’Zealand/ Who really had no internal feelin’/She liked to be crude, /rude, nude, lewd and feud,/ With her neighbours for drug dealing.

12. Goatboy: This butterfly named Venus/ Has thoroughly trapped my penis/ I can’t bear it much longer/ Though our love may grow stronger/ For having this trauma between us

13. Gloveshot: Our heart is with you Lady Penelope. The memory of Egg will remain to exemplify the courage we all must have to get through another day. Peace.

14. Tapestry of Passion: Say what you will, my Klaus Barbie doll had a snappy little uniform. Put those G.I. Joe dreary chamo rags to sham. The later years with Klaus living a bucolic life in Bolivia were much more interesting. Tejada’s Cocaine Coup d’état and all. Where does one sign up for a Cocaine Coup these days?

15. Spazmo: I like women with poor self-esteem. More likely to let me piss on them.

16. Flock: It’s kind of fucky, but lovey, too.

17. Dimmer: Anyway, one night in the Nat, Freddy came and sat beside me, and after a few minutes I noticed an odd, shitty smell. “Freddy” I asked “Have you shat in your pants?” “No, no." he replied “Twas there when I found them.”

18. CoCo: As long as I’m being arse sexed, I better have a really good fucking view of the Golden Gate Bridge.

19. Flock: Also, when I was backpacking solo in the Olympic Mountains last summer, I spent most of a day basking naked on the sunny bank of a wide river. I couldn’t see if any people were hiking through the trees along the trail on the opposite riverbank, but I doubted it so I masturbated. When my semen hit the 33-degree water I half-expected fish to slurp it up, but the drops just congealed and drifted away unloved. Sniff.

20. Tapestry of Passion: I’m an unrepentant smart ass. You should just ignore me. You know I made up a smart ass joke when I was a lad. People always talk about having made up jokes when the joke has really been around forever but I did come up with one. I’m not saying it’s a very good joke, just original. Q. What’s the definition of a smart ass? A. It’s someone who can sit on a popsicle and tell what flavour it is. Circa ~ 1980, 1981. You will not find any account of this joke prior to that date (or possibly after, save this reference). There was a similar joke in Estonia in the 1800s but that one involved a witty donkey and an unleaven loaf of bread.

21. Tastes Like Mom: i could see natasha winning. she’s grown on me like radiation sickness.

22. Lady Penelope: Anna Wintour, a personal death, in which a gun is too impersonal, and then to be shepherded to a ratty hell by eunuchs. Because everyone knows Anna’s deathly afraid of eunuchs, that’s how she survived so long in the fashion industry.

23. Tapestry of Passion: The Delicate Lady Crotchless Pantaloons have an ethereal quality that pleases me.

24. Bishopx: As long as the price of vodka doesn’t skyrocket, I’m good. I gave up on Tequila a long time ago.

25. Tapestry of Passion and Waterhouse: I loves me some Periodic Table humour:/ Indeed. It makes my nerd-parts happy.

26. Spazmo: Being goth has to suck in the summer. I think that’s why I didn’t do it. Oh yeah, and it’s stupid./ But I love warm weather and sunshine. Especially on my dick. Sunshine on the genitals is a wondrous and rare experience. And I also like oysters./ You heard me.

27. Flock: Extra points for anal sex toys used in jail.

28. Bishopx: I don’t ‘pee’. I baptize the masses in my holy water. Heathen.

29. GoatBoy: Oh, the Combs names are played. I’m kickin it old school Bushwick Bill-style these days as Professor Franz Van Goatboychik the Ruffian Mother Funky Stay Fat.

30. Flock: Your potential is as wide as the Pacific Ocean, but as shallow as the urine spatter on the floor of the men’s restroom.

31. Tapestry of Passion: When life gives you Lohans, you make um… well a coke-fueled threesome I guess.

32. CoCo: I have is-sues with Calista Flockhart. She looks like a cheese grater to me.

33. Waterhouse: Dopplegangers are like robots or girlfriends played by Glenn Close - they want what you have.

34. Gloveshot: Cow teats, milky propulsion, getting it in the arm pit... my we are creamy today.

35. Goatboy: Jesus Oprah Christ I forgot how much of a smug douchebag Aristotle was.

36. Waterhouse: Being in a room with Spazmo is like visiting Shamu at Sea World; the people in first couple rows WILL get wet.

37. Carmichael the Polar Bear: Mr Beeg needs the smirk slapped offa him. Kim Cattrall should have a lifesize biohazard warning sticker slapped on her. Put the waspy one outside on a hot day and she’ll melt into a pile of marshmallow fluff. SJParker is as sexy as a box of glass shards. The one with the Bozo-left-out-in-the-rain hairdo is rumored to be a fine actress. Who accidentally cast her in that pile of moronic, smug, insufferable caca?

38. Tapestry of Passion: What is the correct etiquette when a friend is housesitting for you and dies? Is there any possibility of getting the family to pay for the detox? Do you send a personal note? "I am sorry for your loss but nanoparticles of your loved one have funkified all my stuff… "

39. Lady Penelope: Ooh, faulkner in nothing but short pants. That’s HOT. ... Or should i say, that’s amusing, and arousing, and unexpected, like the moon seen at mid-day over the yawning Okeechobee swamp, where the tall cyprus and the dense moss ordinarily make a mockery of the sun, or like the french fried potatoes at Bill Gettyson’s cafe, which are not as soggy as you’d expect them to be nor as crisp as you’d like, or like the beauty mark on my ass which is near to the crack but not on it, which, seen from a mirror, vaguely resembles Spiro Agnew; all these things are like that remark but not OF it, as near a proximity as I can succinctly put.

40. Spazmo: I like Burning Pandas. But mostly I like sweet brown arse. You heard me.

41. Tapestry of Passion: I gotta have something to do between skin diving for sharks and BASE jumping dates. Lighten up, Francis. Life is eating oatmeal, trimming your nails and waiting in lines. Embrace tedium.

42. Spazmo: That’s funny because I lusted after the illicit juicy melons like most kids lust after their mothers. Just thumping it and hearing the resonance of it’s juicy, hidden mystery, knowing that if I were swallowed by a giant melon, I would drown in its fruity bowels, made my little cock hard. I finally fucked one in college. I drilled a hole in it and fucked it good. I served the other half to my friends and myself the next afternoon. I mean, it was clean, right?

43. Bishopx: If my [helper] monkey followed my example, he’d eventually end up sprawled in a pool of vomit next to a stripper named “Sparkles” in Vegas.

44. Goatboy: I’ll try to be delicate here...isn’t [Britney] a bit of a fatty to be a tweaker?

45. Stubby: Thanksgiving at my house this year with the gf, her two sisters and my brother, spouses and kidlets. We ordered Traditional Holiday Feast no.7 from the deli, a bird with all the fixin’s and goodies all cooked and ready to eat ... I’ve fired up the hot tub for the first time this year, so will spend some time in that, sharing a bottle of wine and ogling her single sister, who is spending two days with us, relaxing and probably getting a woody that will be deflated later with sex with gf that’s "too loud because we have company" later that night. Gf is sorta hot, but the sis is exceptional, so it’s going to be doggie-style with liberal squinting and imagination.